Grief and God's Will

God says he is the "I Am", because he is the healer, he is the miracle worker, and he is the redeemer. I had to learn so much on what it means for God’s will to be done and for his kingdom to come. This is something so difficult for the nonbeliever to believe because it is about seeing things in the spiritual rather than the physical. When my grandpa died a couple days ago I believed for a miracle, that he would heal and make it out alive, he had cancer that was stage 4 and got Covid-19 yet and was not looking that sick, but it all went down really quickly and I believe that God would do the impossible. I heard the news that all was not going well and I just prayed to God and told him I would not stop until he moved and prayed for his will to be done and for his kingdom to come on earth as it is in heaven. Then right after I prayed a couple minutes later my parents came in telling me that he had passed. I verbally yelled out to God “WHY!” because I really believed that he would live and God would do the impossible, but as I sat down while my mom poured me a cup of tea, I spoke to God and asked him what was the reason for this what is the meaning and why didn’t you do what I believed for and he told me that the miracle that I had wanted was not for my grandpa to live, but for my family to get closer to him and to love each other more and I believe that is what happened. I have been praying for restoration for years and I feel like this was the closest we have ever been and God is still so good and really believe that he had a plan in all of this. I then proceeded listen to a prayer night message and I kept hearing them say over and over and over again "let your will be done and your kingdom come". I knew that God was speaking to me and that day I felt that peace that God gives, the one that surpasses all understanding and I felt his comfort so much like never before and I realized that God is still sovereign over all and I did not let this hinder my faith because he came through even in the mist of deep pain, but I feel like the reason I was able to believe that was because I have been training my faith for such a long time and for someone that doesn’t have a close relationship with God will start blaming everyone and everything because with the lack of knowledge comes discomfort and anger. Of course I could blame covid and blame the person that had it without telling us, or blame the lady that didn’t administer the test correctly and my dad who visited, but ultimately I believe that God’s will was done and I have the confidence of knowing that my grandpa was saved and is in a better place than we are right now. A verse that I cannot stop thinking about is “hope deferred makes the heart sick...” Proverbs 13:12. I believe that as I was believing for a miracle I was making myself sick, no literally, I went to the hospital. I think that when that Is the case and you feel more unrest than peace you may have hope that is deferred, this can be for the nonbeliever as well who looks at everything that is happening and doesn’t have hope in Christ and sees people dying and there really is nothing to heal their heart because their hope in other things other that God. People find their hope in politicians, health care workers, friends, family, and when your hope is in things that are not in God, then it can make your heart sick because it doesn’t offer the stability and the promise that you are believing for. I know it makes sense to lose faith in God when what I believed for didn't come to pass, but we live for the things that not of this world, but the things that are eternal.

"And in the days of those kings the God of heaven will set up a kingdom that shall never be destroyed, nor shall the kingdom be left to another people. It shall break in pieces all these kingdoms and bring them to an end, and it shall stand forever," Daniel 2:44

I believed that because I was a Christian, God would not allow this to happen, but that wasn't the case. Life hits all of us, however peace only comes from Christ. That in itself is also a miracle because as I started to discover what miracles were I looked at the definition of course and it read “A surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency.”

We can't stop pain from happening but we can decide to put our trust in the one that has already conquered everything and have hope that is beyond the natural and what we see.

We all have to choose what we put our hope in and given I experienced one of the most heartbreaking things and still know that God is good because he comforted me gives me the evidence of knowing that God still works miracles because there is no way that I would be okay without him and without the knowledge of his will in my life.

En un tiempo cuando seria mas probable que mi fe se caige, a sido lo contratio porque yo e experieciado la paz de Dios que sobrepasa todo entendimiento.

" And the Peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:7

I want to also add that God's peace and finding hope in him does not mean that one is happy, you can still cry and be sad. When Lazarus died "Jesus wept (John" because he has compassion, and the verse where it says, "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and close to those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)" is so good and so true.