Why I left Social Media

So a lot of people have been asking me why I am leaving social media for 2 years and I thought why not just write a blog post about it because I can now, and I can go into depth about it too. First and foremost, it was more of an act of obedience to God because he called me to do it (I didn't know exactly why) and as I have been quarantined (yes I got COVID) I have been doing a lot of soul searching and God has been revealing to me why he asked me to do this. The first one is that I have something planned and I know I need to put a lot of focus into that and the second is because I have been stuck in a toxic mentality for a long time when it comes to social media.

I traced it back to Highschool, I can’t even pinpoint an exact moment, but just remember the state of me feeling a lot of shame related to it. I think that it may be because I really wasn’t walking well with the Lord and I was just so desperate for, but more than that I felt like I deserved it and didn’t receive it. I cannot believe the toxic mentality that I had and I just thought like I have it all like I am so much more talented or equally talented as some of these people yet I am not known for this. I mean I also never stuck to anything anyways so it’s like I wasn’t really known for anything because I dipped my toe into everything. I felt like this led to a lot of people just not liking me Then, I kinda of tried to hide my gifts and didn’t want people knowing because there isn’t room to really feel that way if I don’t show it. The same thing goes for my beauty, I feel like I don’t want to even be a part of social media if I am someone who others compare themselves to because I would compare myself a lot too and it is exhausting. I began to think that someone else is better than me just because their page is looking good or because they are super pretty and I feel like some people actually post a lot of pictures for that reason because lowkey I did too, just like people date just to get attention from the opposite sex, well posting selfies might just make you feel more superior than others (not saying this is everyone). I think so much of our worth had really come from the amount of people who look at your stuff and the people that look at our stuff. Like whenever I post I always see if certain people saw it, like I feel like I know who is jealous of me and I almost get a kick out of them looking at my story or post. I think that is so toxic, and I don’t understand why popularity has to be like an end goal for some people. Like some people think that the best thing that could happen is if you become famous and people sell you the dream that that it could happen to you if you really worked your ass off for that. And if you get there, then what, you can still be miserable. I think that is not what we need or what I need. I want God to make himself known through me and get as many people to come to know him as possible because I realized that when it is about me I feel like I make no impact. I don’t think that we have to work as hard as some people think like yes work for the Lord but to work your way to the top I think shouldn’t be a goal, the goal should be to please God and to know that you are doing what he has called and gifted you to do.

I just don’t want the attention if I am going to think in such a toxic way, and I think I really need to detox from social media because that mentality is all I have known my entire life. I didn’t realize the toxicity that had entered my life and a lot of people that are older, don’t struggle with this because they didn't really grow up with social media, but growing up with social media and being on it everyday, there is so much that so many people cannot handle, and if I want to change this world I am going to have to get a clear mind and stop thinking that I need to be better than other people. That is why I am so happy to be leaving social media. I am so happy to not be posting pictures because I want to live a life where if no one knew me or saw my face, then I would be content. If I just did what the Lord asked me to without having others know about my life, what would that look like? I know that later I will come back and people may still have reasons to dislike me maybe even more than now, but I will know that my heart is in the right place, and that is all that matters. I think that that this toxicity came out of me being the one that was looked down upon for so long. I don’t know if it was jealousy or because they had heard bad rumors about me, or I actually did something without realizing it but there came a time when I wanted to stay out of the spotlight but I always ended up being in it for the wrong reasons, and I didn’t even know why. However, back in high school, since I wanted the attention, but I couldn’t get it and I believe that the reason why is because God blocked that in my life and looking back at it, I couldn’t thank God enough because he really protected me from the dangers that I could have faced and I know a lot of people got into the wrong crowd and really suffered and didn’t experience God in the way that I did because God protected me. I believe God knew that I would be faithful later on in my life even when I was so messed up back then. God saw the future and saw how much I would fast and love him and love his people and he CHOSE me. SO now God could give to me what my heart desires because he knows he can trust me and knows that I will do my best to keep the glory on him and not on myself and honestly in this season I am starting to realize why the Lord has taken me out from public view and that is because he wants me to see that life is so much beautiful if God gets the glory and attention and I don’t. I have learned so much in these last couple of days how beautiful it is to not be seen and to live life lowly. I know that I cause a lot of noise, but I want that noise to reflect Christ. I don’t want to come back into the world being the same person that I was before I left. I want to be changed and I just want to live this life with God as the front man to my life. I am not worthy yet he is enough to do that for me; enough to rid me of myself so that his righteousness shines through. I honestly just want that. I really just had it in my mind that I always had to impress, but honestly I am so done. I don’t need to impress anyone and I think that was the way that I was raised like I was always told I need to look nice and I need to talk to people in a certain way and it is all too much to try to impress man because when you fail them it’s like your world comes crashing down. I’d rater just please God because I know he holds my life in his hands and could get me to my real desires in life and he still loves me no matter what. So so sorry, but I am done with people pleasing, it’s been a bad experience and 10/10 don’t recommend.

I'll leave you with this verse:

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7